Kark Jubilee Edition

Brought to you by the Parish Enquirer 3 June 2022

This is a special edition of our Parish newsletter.

Parishioners raised concerns that some Parish council officers might not have been behaving as they should.

It was rumoured that even when caught out, some of these officers were moved behind the scenes to new jobs, at a little office at the District Council known as the the “Donkey Sanctuary”.

The County Council eventually asked a nice gentleman to write a report in 2018, who suggested a “naughty list” be kept so that no one forgot any misbehaviours:


Unfortunately, it seems the District Council misfiled the report under “hedgerow maintenance schedules” and no action was taken.

Parishioners recently enquired about progress, and a meeting was held from the phone box by the FPPR Arms.

The WI would like to point out that they take great pride in keeping the phone box spick and span, and could the person who leaves crisp packets please be more considerate.

The District Council said that they had not actually received authorisation yet from the County Council to implement the report recommendations, but it is anticipated that the County Council may give the green light soon. The District Council were ready to make a plan. They did not know if old concerns could be added to the “naughty list”. They did not think they could show the draft template of the “naughty list” to all parishioners.

Mr A. Noyd, retired town clerk, from 12 Skittle Lane said it wasn’t run like that in his day. Not at all.

Mr A.Noyd

These are the minutes of the meeting:

Minutes of meeting 18 May 2022 with NHS England/Improvement on Kark Implementation

In the meantime, some mishaps continue.

The constables at the CQC confessed that they had not arrested anyone in the last eight years.

When Mrs Brown from the chip shop asked them how it was that crimes had taken place, but everyone was innocent, the constables were a little bit stumped.

It also seems that the District Council has a policy of assigning their solicitor to watch over any member of staff who might talk out of turn. Colonel Smyth of Yew Trees wrote to the District Council to say that he was all in favour of discipline, but he didn’t like the place being run like a Russian gulag.

Colonel Smyth’s famous yew hedges

In other news, a parishioner Ms Jane Archibald was promised some follow up action by her former MP at the end of her dreadful legal case. Ms Archibald wrote to remind the MP of their earlier discussions and an offer that he had made to speak to the Health Secretary.

However, her former MP did not seem interested to follow up an irregularity at his local hospital, and his team told her that this was because she had moved out of area.

From: Dr Neil Hudson MP [REDACTED]
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2022 3:49:54 PM
To: Jane Archibald [REDACTED]
Subject: Re: employment tribunal outcome – Archibald Case Ref: NH52) (Case Ref: NH54)

Dear Miss Archibald,

Thank you for your email. As MPs are only allowed by Parliamentary protocol to assist their own constituents, I suggest you contact the MP for your local area.

If you are unsure who your MP is, or how to contact them please visit: https://members.parliament.uk/FindYourMP

Yours sincerely,
The Office of Neil Hudson

Dr Neil Hudson MP
MP for Penrith and The Border

But Mr Hudson does seem very kind to donkeys.

speaking to the Westmorland and Cumberland Herald last month, Mr Hudson said of his visit to the sanctuary: “Seeing her work in person really warmed my heart. While she told me some truly harrowing details of the neglect many of her donkeys faced prior to their rescue, it was heartening to know that now with Linda, these gentle animals are receiving such love and good care.”

Let us hope Mr Hudson will make some room in his warm heart for vulnerable patients at his local trust.

The Enquirer tried to reach the top man at the County Council for comment on the “naughty list”, but his staff said he unfortunately had to attend an urgent hospital appointment. We can see why judging from this photo. Get well soon Mr J!


Want deadwood cleared?

“Don’t call the District Council, call us!”

say Tree Surgeons 4 U

One thought on “Kark Jubilee Edition

  1. With the welfare and well-being of the parishioners as the top priority of the Council, I am confident that lessons from any previous debacles will be learned – as soon as the requisite funding is obtained.
    In the meantime, let jubilations across the parish commence – and may all those with stiff leg syndrome be blessed with a quick recovery – regrettably, at the hands of the private sector as the NHS may well be otherwise engaged.
    (All the world is a stage, so they say. In the UK’s case, the stage may well be for pantomimes – but at least they are entertaining).
    Kindest regards for this celebratory weekend.


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